Introduction

My name is Sara. My mom named me after Jennifer Connelly's character in "Labyrinth", Sara Gilbert, the actress (mostly for her sarcasm and rebellious attitude as Darlene in the TV sitcom "Roseanne"), and the Fleetwood Mac song (which we found out later to be a song Stevie Nicks' wrote about the baby she aborted). Although my mom has never been religious, she named me and my three younger brothers biblical names. I sometimes think she did that because of social pressure and who our father was. 

Once in high school I had a pregnant substitute who told me her husband wanted to name their soon to be daughter "Sara/Sarah," but she always thought it was such a boring name. Whoever "Sara" was, she's not interesting. But after meeting me, she could see that "Maybe someone named Sara could actually be interesting." I still don't know if I'm flattered or offended, but I'm sure their baby was boring anyway because her mom was so hung up on name stereotypes.

I had a therapy session yesterday that left me smiling on my drive home. Tim, my counselor, told me he thinks I should start a blog and share my story. I've never considered this before. I'm incredibly shy, and when I do open up, I have panic attacks afterward because I fear I overshared and I'm going to scare people off. Sometimes I tell myself I was seeking attention or that no one was interested. I like talking, and I have so many firsthand stories about my life that would make a very intriguing TV series. Tim thinks I have a way of telling my story that will help a great deal of people relate and feel seen. While I agree that I tell my trauma like it's another Tuesday (because really, it is...), I have never written anything for public consumption. 

A few people in my life think I should start the blog, so here I am. I ramble, I failed English I and III the first time 'round, and I'm a chaotic mess in my head. I am forever on my path to self-love and acceptance. I've faced most of my traumas in therapy, and I've made remarkable changes in my life to attempt to reverse codependency. I feel better. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it would be. 

I am not here to teach or influence, but share my experience, and possibly help someone feel less alone in their journey. I am at a place in my life that I am secure and emotionally stable enough to tell my stories in a way that is more relatable and less scary. Humor is coping mechanism, and I intend to use it here periodically. I am not a writer, so I will be writing as I normally speak. Growth is difficult. 

If I decide to continue this, I will be talking about a multitude of topics that could be triggering for some people. Please do not read if you can't handle sexual assault/abuse, child abuse, emotional manipulation, grooming, drugs, addiction, and possibly more that could stir up negative feelings. I will try to list all trigger warnings as the entries come out. 

Apparently, I am "the exception." I roll my eyes every time I hear, say, or even type that. I hate thinking of myself in that way, but I'm trying my best to embrace it. I'm not on drugs, I have a stable, 8-5 job with health insurance, I have raised emotionally stable children, I am married, I have no criminal charges, and I am not homeless. Why is that? Because I never saw that as an option for myself. Maybe because I'm a female INFJ Virgo with MDD, late diagnosed ADHD, and general anxiety. But I like to think it's because of my unique path with trauma, the people who I invited into my life, the people I was forced to be around, and the conscience decision to change my own mind about how I see myself and the world around me. 

With this blog, I want to share some of what I went through in my life, how I handled it, and how it helped me become the best version of me. By opening up and being vocal about abuse and trauma, maybe I really could help someone feel seen or heard. My goal here is just to reach people who might have gone through or are going through something similar and show them that they don't have to let the trauma control their life. You can love yourself more than others have loved you and give yourself the attention you deserve. I crave feedback, so don't be shy! Comment and let me know what you think or if you'd like to share.